i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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