Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
