a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
