And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Randomize