youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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