oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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