two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
