So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
