I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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