I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
