i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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