i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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