just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
