I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize