I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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