she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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