and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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