So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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