like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
