My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He shit in the fireplace
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
