thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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