just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
