we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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