My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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