babies were throwing up all over the place
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
