I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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