The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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