Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
