i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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