After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My penis needs a shock collar
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
