Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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