I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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