On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
