the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
