so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The Olympian is in my bed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
