i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize