I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
