he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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