Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
