im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
