I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
