You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
