I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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