I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
