Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
