he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
