My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
