you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i believe in u and ur pee
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
