I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i out mim tonsoeep
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