had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
