my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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