Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
