made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
third nipple confirmed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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