farters have to be the big spoon...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
