1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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