I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
