I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
