well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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