apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
