you would pick up someone in the library
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
