just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
