I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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