I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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