I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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