I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
