Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
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