Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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