When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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