Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize