What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
