This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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