I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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