Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
