This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize