when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
the liver wants what the liver wants
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
