your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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