Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
