i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
