happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
