the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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