All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
