I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
