for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
