I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
