life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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