piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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