you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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