Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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