NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You smell like stripper and shame
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
